The Vasectomy Song

The Vasectomy Song by: Larry Heagle

Also performed by One-Man Johnson in Iowa City

Tabbed by: Mike Moseley (mkmosele@inav.net)

I heard this song on public radio about 15 years ago and have been

playing it for my friends ever since (taking time out for work, food,

sleep and personal time, of course). For those of you not

knowledgeable,

the Vas Deferens is what gets clipped in a 'Vas'ectomy.

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Well, I went to see my doctor,

I said, "Doc, I can't pay my bills[G]

The rent's all spent and my truck's got a dent

And I think I'm a-gettin' the [C]chills

>From bein' forced to sleep alone, oh, this house just ain't a [F]home

We can't [G]afford no more kids

My life in on the skids

Cause my woman says, 'Leave me al[C]one'

Unless I get a va[G]sectomy, I gotta get a va[C]sectomy

Just [G]one little male alteration,

can [C]save [no chord] us from an other altercation

It's a [G]vasectomy, I gotta get a va[C]sectomy

Oh what a [F]vas defer[G]ens it could [C]be."

Well, the next thing I knew I was layin' on the table

With the lights shinin' in my eyes[G]

They strapped my wrists and they strapped my ankles

And they double strapped my [C]thighs

The nurses were gigglin' and I was wigglin' most uncomfort[F]ably

When the [G]doctor walked in with a perverted grin

And here's what he said to [C]me,

"It only hurts for a little while[C]

That's what they [Am]tell me that's what they say, eh heh heh"

Well it's two weeks later and I feel a little better

And my mind is more at ease[G]

The rent's still spent, my truck's still got a dent

But my woman's no longer a [C]tease

And even down at the office, there's a lot more interest in [F]me

Oh, the [G]girls all grin when I walk in

And brother they mean to [C]please

A man with a va[G]sectomy, you oughta' get a va[C]sectomy

Well, like a [G]Sunkist orange, I've been freed

Cause [C]it's [no chord] all juice and there's no seed

With a [G]vasectomy, you oughta' get a va[C]sectomy

Oh, what a [F]vas defer[G]ens it could . . . .[no chord]

Now here is the part that I like the most

It takes the danger out of bein' close

Want a [F]vas defer[G]ens it could . . . . [no chord]

The snipped those little suckers right in two

And then they clamped 'em off with Super Glue

What a [F]vas defer[G]ens it could [C]be. [G] [C] [G] [C]

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Best regards to Larry Heagle and One-Man Johnson.

I hope this brings a smile or at least a wince.