Plastic Jesus

>From the original posting by Bo Parker

bo_parker@fbpmac.msfc.nasa.gov who derived the lyrics from

all over the place. Featured in "Cool Hand Luke."

The following are the definitive "Plastic Jesus" lyrics

and then some, from Bo Parker's posting to alt.guitar.tab

last March - optional chords in parentheses :

C (C7)

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

cho: Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

C (D7) G7

Riding on the dashboard of my car

C (C7)

Through all trials and tribulations,

F (F#dim7)

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes

's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus

Glued to the dashboard of my car,

You can buy Him phosphorescent

Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,

Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,

Long as I have magnetic Mary,

Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,

I feel I'm protected amply,

I've got the whole damn Holy Family,

Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna

Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a

Pedestal of abalone shell,

Goin' ninety, I'm not wary

'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,

Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles

Long as I got the Twelve Apostles

Bolted to the dashboard of my car

Don't I have a pious mess

Such a crowd of holiness

Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus,

Riding on the dashboard of my car,

But I think he'll have to go,

His magnet ruins my radio,

And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air

A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind

Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me

And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car

Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack

A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss

I never blow my horn or give them warning

I ride all over town, trying to run them down

And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car

His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight

And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn

I can let all sorts of curses roll

Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear

The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car

Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright

Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew

God made Him a Christian too

Paradoxes populate my car

Joseph beams with a feigned elan

>From the shaggy dash of my furlined van

Famous cuckold in the master plan;

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling,

Jesus dainty and beguiling

Knee-deep in the piling of my van;

His message clear by night or day

My phosphorescent plastic Gay

Simpering from the dashboard of my van.

When I'm goin' fornicatin'

I got my ceramic Satan

Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

The women know I'm on the level

Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil

Ridin' on the dashboard of my ...

Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ...

Leering from the dashboard of my van.

If I weave around at night

And the police think I'm tight,

They'll never find my bottle, though they ask;

plastic Jesus shelters me,

For His head comes off, you see--

He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car:

Ride with me and have a dram,

Of the blood of the Lamb,

Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.

Thanks to Bo Parker at NASA for this epic compilation.

Geoff Bowerman

gbowerma@acs.ucalgary.ca

From: Bo.Parker@msfc.nasa.gov (Bo Parker)

Here's my definitive set of P.J. lyrics:

-----BEGIN INCLUDED MATERIAL-----

Here's the complete set of "Plastic Jesus" lyrics

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

cho: Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes

's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus

Glued to the dashboard of my car,

You can buy Him phosphorescent

Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,

Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,

Long as I have magnetic Mary,

Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,

I feel I'm protected amply,

I've got the whole damn Holy Family,

Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna

Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a

Pedestal of abalone shell,

Goin' ninety, I'm not wary

'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,

Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles

Long as I got the Twelve Apostles

Bolted to the dashboard of my car

Don't I have a pious mess

Such a crowd of holiness

Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus,

Riding on the dashboard of my car,

But I think he'll have to go,

His magnet ruins my radio,

And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air

A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind

Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me

And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car

Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack

A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss

I never blow my horn or give them warning

I ride all over town, trying to run them down

And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car

His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight

And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn

I can let all sorts of curses roll

Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear

The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car

Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright

Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew

God made Him a Christian too

Paradoxes populate my car

Joseph beams with a feigned elan